Now, apparently there are five levels here, one above the other, each one of which will be explained in its place, so that no one should err etc. The first level is the worst one of all. This is when a person’s principal desire in Divine contemplation, is wholly just to become excited, in order to feel alive. In comparison to the other levels, this is the least of them, so much so, that it can almost be compared to the above mentioned external excitement of the heart of flesh brought about solely through intentional self-arousal of feeling, totally divorced from G_dliness.
This is not Divine excitement at all, because he does not desire or intend any aspect of G_dliness whatsoever. His intention and goal is not that G_dliness dwell in his soul or that his soul be bound to G_dliness etc. but rather to have something of a thrill, so that he can be aware of his self-existence.
Nonetheless, there is some hidden admixture of good here which comes from the aspect of the concealed love of G_d within his heart. That is, it is hidden within the alien garment of his revealed desire. Nevertheless, all this notwithstanding, in a hidden way, his essential desire is specifically to become excited about HaShem and if it would not be about HaShem, he would not want to pursue it altogether.
This is so, even though, in a revealed way, this is not the case. Rather, the inner content of the matter (that there should be a revelation of G_dliness in his soul becausehe really only desires G_dliness rather than just pleasuring himself), never consciously enters his mind. About this true, underlying desire, the verse states,[1] “And as for me, closeness to G_d is good for me”, as known.
