By Avner Friedmann
The parsha states,[1] “And whenever the cloud was lifted from atop the Tent, afterwards the Children of Israel would journey, and in the place where the cloud would rest, there the Children of Israel would encamp… Sometimes the clouds would be upon the Tabernacle for a number of days… and sometimes the clouds would remain from evening until morning…or for a day and a night, or for two days, or a month or a year…. According to the word of HaShem would they encamp, and according to the word of HaShem would they journey…” The cloud would indicate whether they would march or rest, all according to the will of HaShem.
The Torah is not a history book, nor is it there to just tell us stories[2]; it is the blueprint of Creation and of our personal lives as well. Everything the Children of Israel went through, each Jew goes through during his or her lifetime. The Ba’al Shem Tov taught[3] that every Jew passes through his own forty-two personal journeys from the time he is born until the time he is ready to leaves this world, just like the Children of Israel did in the Wilderness.
These journeys according to the word of HaShem teach us an important lesson about our free will. We have the tendency to think that we determine where we live and how long we stay in a particular place before we move on. Even though one feels that these decisions are in his hands, in reality this is not the case; HaShem decides it for us.
However, one may argue that he chose to live in a particular place based on very specific reasons: He liked the town, the neighborhood, the house, the price, the school for the children; his job took him there, etc. True, we have our reasons and make our decision after weighing all the circumstances as we know them, but ultimately it is HaShem Who pulls the strings behind the scene and puts us in one particular state of mind over another.
HaShem’s supervision is personal and perfect; nothing happens in our lives unless HaShem wills it to happen. He takes us exactly to where we need to be, just like He took the Children of Israel in the Wilderness. He decides for us not only where we reside, but our place of work and the spouse we marry. In fact, these and many other facts have all been predetermined for us before we were even conceived[4], all in order to ensure that we have our own unique and ideal circumstances to achieve our purpose in life. This is what the Talmud means when it states[5]: “All is in the hand of Heaven except for the fear of Heaven.” To be righteous or wicked, HaShem leaves entirely to us.
We sometimes confuse the concept of free choice with preference. For example, when we look for a place to live, we prefer one place over another, but we don’t necessarily exercise our free choice. What is the difference between the two? Preference has to do with what we feel and desire naturally; it is based on our unique biological and psychological tendencies. We act upon it without any internal struggle. In a way it is like putting two food items in front of a dog; juicy meat and stale bread. The dog is guided by its instincts and will always be drawn towards the meat rather than the bread. In this, it has no real free choice.
Free choice, on the other hand, is when we feel like, or have a natural tendency to do one thing, because we believe it will give us pleasure or benefit, but there is an equally strong force which tells us that we ought to do something else. In other words, our animal soul may pull us in one direction, but the G-dly soul, which knows the truth and wants to do HaShem’s will, may pull us in the opposite direction. We have an internal struggle and may choose against our own natural desires, only because it is the right and G-dly thing to do.
Going back to our example, unlike the dog, an observant Jew will choose the stale bread over the meat, if the meat is not kosher. When a person does that, he is exercising his free choice. When it comes to our spirituality, HaShem took it out of His domain, so to speak, and left the choices to us. He puts the circumstances in front of us. However, how we relate to them is our own choice.
Many of us have the natural tendency to concentrate too much on trying to change our circumstances and better ourselves in areas that are predetermined for us by HaShem, falsely believing that “If I am not for myself who is for me?” At the same time we may neglect our progress in the spiritual arena, where our true free choice lays, believing falsely that somehow “G-d will help”. In reality, we can only make a real difference for ourselves in the spiritual arena. Ultimately, our choices are what we take with us when we leave this world; they become our lasting legacy. May HaShem grant us the serenity of mind and spirit to accept those things that we cannot change, and the courage and fortitude to change those things we can change; and may He give us the wisdom to tell the difference.
[1] 9:17-23.
[2] The Holy Zohar Beha’alotcha 460.
[3] Degel Machanne Ephpaim, Masei.
[4] Nida 16b.
[5] Berachot 33b.
