By Rabbi Dovid Markel
When Yaakov brings the delicacies to his he tells him (Bereishit 27:19) “Please rise, sit down and eat of my game, so that your soul will bless me.”
However, when Esav comes he tells his father (Bereishit 27:31) “Let my father arise and eat of the game of his son, so that your soul will bless me.”
The noticeable difference in their language is that while Yaakov speaks in the second person, Esav speaks in the seemingly more respectful third person.
Although the Medrash (Bereishit Rabba 63) expresses that Esav excelled in respect for his father, it seems strange that Yaakov would be conspicuously wanting in this regard—surely Yaakov’s use of the second person was intentional and not a slight to his father.
Indeed, Rabbi Moshe Sofer explains in his work Torath Moshe (Toldot) that the manner in which Yaakov spoke to his father is akin to the manner that Israel speaks to G-d.
For, curiously, when we speak to good we also refer to him as “You,” in the second person rather than the honorific, third person—G-d.
He explains that the use of second person is expressive of closeness and connection, while the third person is expressive of distance and disconnect. Israel is not separate from G-d, we are one with him. As such, we use the second person.
The same is with Yaakov and Esav: While true that Esav excelled in his respect of his father, he did not particularly love him—and therefore spoke to him in the third person. However, Yaakov, in addition to his deep respect, also had a deep love towards him—and therefore use the second person.
It is for this reason that although one obviously should have respect for one’s father, it is not the custom amongst the Jewish People to speak to their parents in third person—as Judaism demands the love of Yaakov, not merely the respect of Esav.
